Current Location: In My Bed Room
Current Mood:  contemplative
Current Music: Girl All the Bad Guys Want-Bowling for Soup
I feel sorta good right now. I tried out for this RPG group, twice but differently, and I didn't get in. The first time I was all woe is me but now I'm not. I am really realizing it wasn't meant to be. Let's be realistic. I wouldn't have the time to devote to it, it wouldn't have been fair. I have sooooooooooooooooooo many things to do for college. Chemistry takes focus, as does pre-law. Yes, I am finally admitting it Mom, you're right and I am wrong. Luckily I doubt you'll ever read this, so the balance of my world can stay the slightly off-kilter it has always been.
Still though I did really want to play in their verse *Shrugs* It was different from what I usually play with. Not that I don't like the other things I do. Oh, NO, no no no no no no ... non. I ADORE it. It's flexiable, it's imagitive, and I work with a bunch of talented writers (who are either authors or on their way to being) and they teach me a lot. I'm da adowable baby! LOL It's mucho fun, still though, as I said, I wanted to try something different. I guess it wasn't meant to be. Not everyone fits with everything. At first, like I said too lol, I thought it was me (not to say it was them or anything *shrugs*) and I have to admit the first story I sent while okay *wrinkles nose* it wasn't the character, it was an attempt to try too hard. A problem I need to really need to get rid off. The second time though, while I DID attempt to try too hard again, I know it was good. Not to toot my own horn. Just to clear things up, I rarely ever do that unless I'm deeply satisfied with my work and that usually happens after the seventeeth read, three months later. But, this I like it right off. I liked it's purer form better and I do wish that I saved it ... but as I said, I really need to stop looking to be like other writers.
This feels like a sudden Barney, Dooley, Teletubbies episode but Mr. Rogers would be damn disappointed in me. Any that is neither here nor there.
Back to the matter of WHY I feel good about myself. I'm growing up. The rejection really doesn't bother me, it does but not so much, anymore. I'm coming to the conclusion that you can't please everyone. Shut up, Dawn :-P. I am still doing that double major so THERE! That little comment is a reference to parents, whom you have to please. At least that's the way I was raised. But everyone else? Well, I'm not going to say screw them (shut up, Vavi!) but learn from it. And don't hold it to heart way too much or you'll get no where. That has been my problem, too, and it won't be anymore.
Expectations? Make your own. | 
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grapecase's journal
restless
pleased
crazy